It's not just about wants anymore; it's about needing someone to cherish my company, to find solace in it.
I've poured out my thoughts on love and relationships before, but this song cuts deeper. It echoes every failed attempt at forming bonds, every shattered friendship where I'm left questioning if the fault lies within me. What cosmic twist of fate led me to this solitary path? What sins of past lives haunt me to walk this lonely road?
I'm not alone in this struggle, as echoed by the countless TikToks of women sharing the same sentiment. Are we truly so undesirable? Each woman I see baring her soul to this song appears as a beacon of beauty to me, a reflection of my own yearning heart.
Late at night, I find myself scrolling through dating apps, staring at empty chats, feeling the weight of one-sided conversations and a flood of self-doubt. The constant bombardment of TikToks and Instagram posts promising "the one" only adds to the ache. After two failed attempts at connection, I'm left disillusioned with the notion of romance altogether.
video by Kylelashay Draper whispers to me in the small hours: "No matter your current struggles, you are someone's dream come true." Can it be true? In moments of despair, like curled up with tears streaming, watching Formula E while my cat tries to claim my ice cream, or struggling to make strawberry matcha as tears threaten to overwhelm, it's hard to believe.
As my 28-year-old sister steps in, half-jokingly referred to as my caretaker by our parents, I'm reminded of the battles I fight within myself. The list of lost friendships grows, and therapy sessions end in frustration. Friends offer words of encouragement, saying I'm growing into who I'm meant to be, but how does that heal the heartache I carry daily?
A greater woman stays cool But I howl like a wolf at the moon And I look unstable gathered with a coven round a sorceress' table A greater woman has faith But even statues crumble if they're made to wait I'm so afraid I sealed my fate No sign of soulmates I'm just a paperweight In shades of greige Spending my last coin so someone will tell me It'll be ok Please I've been on my knees Change the prophecy Don't want money - Just someone who wants my company Let it once be me
For the greater part of my life, I've been a spectator on the sidelines of love. While my close friends have danced in the tumultuous rhythm of romance, finding and losing love like waves crashing upon the shore, I've remained rooted in place. Each new partner they introduce feels like a sharp pang in my chest, a reminder of the love that eludes me.
Every holiday visit or phone call with my grandmother inevitably leads to the same question: "Anyone special in your life?" And each time, I'm left grasping for words, unable to share the emptiness that echoes in my heart.
Unlike my sister, who has proudly introduced her partners to our parents, I've never mustered the courage to bring someone home. In my twenty-four years, I've never even hinted at a love interest to my parents. I can see the disappointment flicker in their eyes, a silent plea for me to find the same happiness they did at my age.
They met young, built a life together, while I struggle to keep tears at bay as night falls. I feel like a forgotten relic from Ancient Greece, weathered and overlooked, hidden behind closed doors.
And amidst it all, I can't help but wonder: Can't it be my turn, just once?